You Are Going To Fail—But How Will You Respond?
On embarrassment, grace, and the week life came at me from every angle
Man, life can be so humbling and viscerally rewarding sometimes.
This week, I experienced both ends of the humility spectrum at such breakneck speed that I am sitting here typing this out and still wondering ‘WTF just happened’.
From a frustrating situation at work that left me feeling pretty embarrassed, to a beautiful conversation and a compliment from a friend that grounded me in such a powerful moment of vulnerability.
Life can come at you quick—from every angle.
The test is going to find you, regardless of how well you try to avoid it.
The question is never… are you going to get knocked down? The question is always… are you going to get back up?
I’m still regaining my footing, but I’m confident in my desire to make myself proud.
The Backstory
As I’ve discussed in recent newsletters, this last month has been very challenging.
Every area of my life is facing disruption in some sense.
Some good, some not so fun, all relevant and all welcome. This is life, we don’t get to choose what life hands us, only how we react to it.
For the most part, I was handling it well, but the pressure was mounting:
Injuries — A chronic neck injury that is causing me severe pain and discomfort, and needing to be reviewed for possible surgery.
Health — Quitting, restarting and requitting vaping. Managing/restricting an overindulgence in alcohol. Not training enough to stop the muscle loss and weight gain. Trying to make time for remedial massage to manage the neck pain, as well as personal training to increase strength and mobility.
Moving — My girl and I had been applying for new places so that we could start our new life together. We finally got approved and are in the middle of packing/moving.
Work — Recently, a team leader position became available at work, I submitted my CV and am awaiting an interview date (which is tomorrow).
Death — We found out last month that a very close family member is unwell and likely not going to live much longer. Feeling my own feelings about that, and also watching other family members struggle with the news, has been heavy.
Content — Trying to work through all of the above, show up, create content and write this newsletter has been tough.
On top of these, I still have a job and a monthly target to hit.
I was dialling as hard as I could, but struggling to close; my mind was wandering too often throughout the work day and making my monthly target more and more difficult to achieve as the end of the month approached.
Which brings us to earlier this week…
The Test
It’s the last day of the month, and I had a bit of a mountain to climb.
I was doing relatively well, and by mid-afternoon, it was looking like I was going to hit target and potentially even earn some extra incentive money.
After 12 hours on the phone, at around 830pm, I called a prospect that I had been going back and forth with over the previous month or so. Not just a regular prospect, an older Iranian gentleman, who I had built a lot of rapport, and was even planning to meet for a coffee one day.
I took my time getting the quote right for him and found something that was going to save him and his family a lot of money.
After re-explaining the policy and confirming he was happy, we started the application.
It was now 35 minutes into the call and approaching 9PM, I asked for the account details to set up the direct debit (we do this on every call). He paused and told me he would give them to me the next day.
I told him that in order to submit the application, we needed to put in these details.
Something was wrong, I could feel his energy change.
I reassured him that this was a normal part of the process and if we didn’t input these details now, we would have wasted the last 30 minutes and would need to restart the application, as the other information wouldn’t be saved.
He put his daughter on the phone, who reconfirmed that they wouldn’t be handing over the details.
I started to grow desperate and pleaded with her to understand my position.
That made her more cautious.
The month was ending today; my target needed to be hit. I was only focused on myself, and the desperate energy that I was giving off sealed my fate.
I was trying to be a human, but I needed to be a salesperson, a professional.
The no should’ve been a no. I should’ve respected it and hung up with honour and discipline, rather than pleading and begging.
In the end, I burnt the sale and the relationship through my insistence.
How I acted on the phone was not overly bad, but it was definitely below par. It was how I acted when I got off the phone that really concerned me.
I screamed in frustration and threw something across the room.
In that moment, it all boiled over. The month I had and the experience of feeling like an untrustworthy person were too much. I acted out of frustration and low vibration, allowed myself to become too emotional and got genuinely angry for the first time in a very long time.
Like a proper man-child. Not impressive at all.
My brother James overheard the conversation and said that he didn’t think I handled it too poorly. His words were mildly reassuring, but I know how I felt, and I know what my standards are, and this desperation and subsequent outburst were well below them.
I have my reasons. These reasons are not an excuse, but they are a reminder that I am human. I’m not perfect, and sometimes I will fall short of my own standards.
The Realisation
The first realisation came only a few hours later when I was with my girl.
I was downloading what I was feeling and relaying how I acted. She reassured me that although how I acted was not great, the fact that I was even reviewing my reaction was important.
She reminded me that most people won’t even be aware of their reactions. That I was doing the right thing simply by becoming aware and self-assessing. This was a nice confirmation, and did help to subside some of my frustration, but it was a conversation a few days later that really cemented my relief.
My buddy came around for one of our regular body doubling/study sessions.
Basically just him and me, sitting down and tackling hard tasks, the boring stuff that is harder to do when you have to self-motivate.
We were an hour or so into the session when we stopped to check in.
He said rhetorically…
“Man, can I just say something?”
Followed by…
“You’re like a really impressive person. I love seeing the work you’re putting in to become a man, and it’s really great. I don’t know many people going as hard as you and putting in the work you’re putting in; it’s honestly inspiring. You’re creating a whole new person, and it’s great to see”
I was fully locked in to every word he was saying.
My heart was all the way open as each word landed gently in the centre of my soul and in the hands of my inner child.
A couple of tears came to my eyes as I expressed how much I needed to hear that.
I told him about the experience earlier in the week, the mounting pressure and how those comments had lifted a huge weight and feeling of shame.
It was special.
We hugged it out and got back to our studying.
The Lessons
I experienced so many highs and lows in such a short period of time.
I’m honestly still reeling from all of the above, but I have had a moment to reflect and here’s what I have learned/re-learned:
1. The life you’re building will take time
The process is the process, and the work is the work; don’t rush it. Trust yourself enough to show up and find a way through. You have before, and you will do it again.
2. Surround yourself with real ones
Wise words from my partner, honest insight from my brother and powerful reminders from a trusted friend kept me aligned to my values and showed me the importance of having close friends and loved ones who know how to hold you accountable but also be loving and vulnerable when needed.
3. Regulate your nervous system
Life isn’t going anywhere; the work will always be there. Find time to slow down amongst the craziness, draw a deep breath and calm yourself—whether that is through breathwork or a hug from a loved one, or by sitting and noticing. Bring yourself back to the present moment and deal with one thing at a time. Doing this frequently will mean you show up with power more often than not.
4. You can do anything, but not everything
Focus on one thing at a time. Find the most pressing, important task and give that your all, then once that is done, move to the next. Most things can wait; most things don’t need doing—employing the Pareto principle will bring huge results.
5. Only what you do next matters
Obviously, you would love to act perfectly all the time, but that’s simply not possible. I’m human, you’re human, we’re all fallible. We are going to act imperfectly and inefficiently, just try not to make it a habit. If you get frustrated or angry, learn from it and try not to do it again for a really long time. I used to get angry all of the time; it was my default. Over the last 4 years, I can count on one hand the number of times I have got genuinely angry.
6. If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a fuck no
If you’re in the wrong room, you know it—don’t ignore that feeling. If a prospect doesn’t want to buy, act with power and walk away. There will always be another room, another prospect, another moment, another opportunity. Have the discipline and self-respect to see that and walk away with your head high. You are abundant, move like it.
Signing Off
Alright gang, that’s it from me this week.
Thanks for tuning in and riding with me. If you got anything out of this week’s newsletter, I’d love to hear about it. Even if you have your own story to share about a similar experience, let me know! Respond to this email, I read all of them.
Have a powerful week, champs, lesgooooo!
With gratitude,
SAV
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