The Space Between Thought and Action: A Stoic Framework for Better Decisions
How slowing down your reactions and zooming out can save you from unnecessary pain—and help you build a life that actually fits you
One of the most important skills I have developed in recent years has been the ability to apply some forward thinking.
Not heaps, just some.
For example…
“What would things look like if I did xyz”
“How would I feel if I went ahead with xyz”
I call it a skill because it is something that I have had to actually build; it has not been something I was blessed with.
Earlier in life, I had a very short ‘thought to reaction’ loop.
It looked like this...
Have a thought 👉 Act on thought 👉 Process later (if at all)
This method led me down some fun paths; it had its perks for sure…
Met some great people
Went to interesting places
Learned a fair bit about myself
Learned about the world around me.
But this software was flawed from inception, and a reboot had very much been in order.
Yeah, you could easily put it down to growing up (maturity and old age, etc)... and yeah, a lot of this is contextual, based on where I am in life, but a lot is specific to me because I have done the work to strengthen this muscle.
Now let me preface the next part with a necessary caveat...
I haven’t got it figured out. I have by no means mastered this system.
But what I can say is that the average daily, weekly, and monthly amount of bad choices I am making has decreased significantly.
SIGNIFICANTLY!!!
And that’s where I am speaking from...
Not from the place of a guy who has it figured out, but from the place of a person aware of where he has been and conscious to improve where he is going.
This framework I am going to lay out seems so simple.
Because it is.
But so often in life, we are carried from moment to moment by our thoughts like a ferocious river, picking up everything in its way.
I wanted to escape the river.
I wanted to get back in the boat and choose my destination from time to time.
The exact genesis of this thought doesn’t come to mind, but the ideas it spawned from do have an owner.
Reading a lot of Marcus Aurelius over the last couple of years, I realised I had more power than I was giving myself credit for. My mind is a lot more powerful than I could ever imagine. I just had to start using it.
For example…
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I had been so unhappy for so long.
Maybe because of some of the circumstances I had thrust on me, and maybe because of the choices I made, but certainly because the quality of my thoughts were garbage… and it was time to take out the trash.
Ok, so what does the adjustment look like?
It looks like this...
Have a thought 👇
Ponder the validity of the thought 👇
Consider if it’s the best thing on a balance of probabilities 👇
Take decisive action 👇
Live with any and all outcomes 👇
Decipher whether I can make better decisions next time 👇
Now, when I am posed with potential choices outside the normal broadcasting of my day-to-day life, I run this thought exercise.
I really weigh it up, I don’t dive in head first.
What am I doing?
Where am I going?
What do I genuinely want?
Will this thing help me get there?
This intentional forward thinking and attention to detail does 2 things:
It gives me a couple of different ways I can handle any situation, making me more flexible and not bound to my reactions.
It gives me mental and emotional space to be able to make the right call and free myself from the stranglehold that emotion and reaction generally have on us.
And that is essentially it, widen the gap between emotion and action.
Create some space between feeling and moving.
All well and good in theory, but let’s look at a couple of examples where I have applied this framework in my own life in recent memory:
Scenario 1
I start training at a gym very close to my house and within my community.
At the gym, I start talking to a young lady who has well and truly captured my attention.
Instead of blindly following my emotions and reactions and making an advance that could lead to long-term complications, given the proximity of the gym and my relationships within it, I turn to my thought process to consider my options.
I decide that although it could be ‘nice’, ‘fun’, ‘sexy’, etc...
The natural pull of our sexuality is strong, but your will has to be stronger.
This could work, but what if it doesn’t?
Then I have soured a relationship, tainted the energy I get from this gym, and potentially affected her experience, all because I was selfish in action and a slave to my emotions.
I would rather maintain a friendship and not have any potential drama attached to such a sacred space for me.
I step back, apply the framework and don’t rush in.
Giving myself just enough distance to make the right long-term play and protect my future self.
Scenario 2
I am complimented by someone I meet who congratulates me on my work ethic and skill set.
They offer me an opportunity to work with them and for them.
Of course, I am flattered and am at first drawn to the idea.
I’m a people pleaser at heart, extremely ADHD, and almost never consider the outcomes of any of my creative pursuits.
This could be a recipe for another failed project.
It feels good to be wanted and celebrated. My ego craves the attention, and my guard comes down.
But I give it a minute to breathe and turn to my framework…
On the one hand, this could be a great opportunity—but on the other hand, this is not something I need or want in my life. I have enough on my plate.
Sure, I could receive the adoration of a small few.
But what is the opportunity cost?
With all of that considered, I realise that I would be serving someone else’s dreams, not my own, and for this reason I must decline.
Earlier in life, both of these scenarios would have got me into trouble.
Without my framework and consideration for what I wanted, I simply would have been compliant, taking on weight I couldn’t carry and causing complications and chaos in the process.
My need to feel wanted was all too powerful, and I would have submitted.
Without a second thought.
Now I allow myself that second thought, and the third one too. Now I am focused on building this very specific life for myself and nothing else.
Of course, sometimes I do relapse.
But my course correction is getting better as well. A relationship or creative pursuit I would’ve sunk 6 months into now gets 6 days before I make the adjustment.
I’m not perfect, but I know what I want.
I want to be in control. Of my thoughts, my time and my energy.
The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts, so I give myself time and space to ensure quality control is done regularly.
With this in mind, I hope that you can continue to do the same.
Before you act, consider all the possibilities—begin with the end in mind because once you get there, you will be happy that you did.
With gratitude,
SAV
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