I Wanted My Inner Voice to Be Kind, So I Turned to Seneca (and Hypnotherapy)
The decade-long war with myself, and the six words that started to end it
For most of my adult life, my inner voice was my worst enemy.
My internal monologue was crippling.
After many many bad decisions throughout my teens and early twenties, I was left with an inner critic that attacked my every move.
A savage operator. Relentless.
No days off from its violent and crushing assault.
I really hated myself.
Hated who I was, how I showed up, how I kept finding ways to fuck things up. That hate followed me everywhere. Into my relationships, my decisions, my creative work, and my connection to family and friends.
There was no escape.
For over a decade, I carried that weight.
Beginning The Work
In early 2020, I saw an opportunity to begin to turn the tide.
The first thing I did was start journaling.
Not because someone told me to. Because I knew that the version of myself I thought I was and the version actually showing up every day were not the same person. I needed data. Real, honest, unfiltered data.
So I documented everything I did for an entire year.
What I ate. How I moved. How I spent my time. How I spoke to myself when things went wrong.
I tracked the hours I spent drinking, making music, exercising and socialising.
Every detail was put down on paper so that it was real.
I could not run from it.
What I learned was confronting—but clarifying. I could finally see the pattern. And once I could see it, I could start to change it.
Once I had the data, I had 2 options:
Acknowledge and begin to make adjustments
Change nothing and continue living in ignorant bliss
I always believed I was meant for something more. Some level of greatness, at least in my own universe and understanding of things—so, of course, I chose the former.
From there, I began trialling things to help me fight my way back.
One of the decisions I made to help in this fight was in late 2020 when I got started on antidepressants. I started taking sertraline after a long-term bout of anxiety started taking its toll.
I knew this was not going to be a permanent solution, but I believed it could assist me in my climb back, and it did.
Another (hugely pivotal) thing that I tried was hypnotherapy.
After hearing about the benefits years earlier from my brother Dave, I had been curious to try it, but never felt quite ready, however the therapist I was seeing at the time had suggested a hypno friend of hers, and I knew I had to take the opportunity.
So I booked a session and put myself on the hook.
The Hypnotherapist
Before I walked in, I spoke to Dave to get an idea of what I was walking into—as I said, he had done it a few years earlier and knew what to expect.
He gave me one piece of incredibly potent advice:
Keep it simple. Pick one specific thing you want to change.
I thought deeply about that one thing. So many things needed to change…
Stop lying
Stop drinking
Stop gambling
What I wanted to be
What I didn’t want to be
What kind of man would make me proud
But there was one thing that came out on top. One idea that needed to change above all else. So when the hypnotherapist asked me what I wanted to work on, I didn’t overthink it:
“I want my inner voice to be kind.”
That was it. Just six words.
I lay back as she began talking and felt myself drift into a sleep.
To this day, I cannot explain what happened in that room. I don’t understand the science of it. All I know is that I closed my eyes, and when I woke up, something had shifted. It wasn’t a dramatic change, but something inside me was different.
I slowly learned how to be kind to myself.
The voice inside my head, the inner critic, had begun taking days off. The barrage of hate and spite began slowing down.
Now, 4 years on, I live harmoniously with that voice as my friend.
I still make mistakes. Plenty of them.
Like heaaaaapppss of them!!
But I’m no longer at war with myself when I do.
Don’t Regret This
A while back, I saw a conversation that echoed my thoughts.
Scott Galloway (author and entrepreneur) was on Chris Williamson’s podcast talking about life, regret, and financial freedom.
In the section on Forgiving yourself when you fall short, Scott talks about a friend of his who interviewed people in the last stages of life—specifically, what people say when they’re at the end of their life, looking back.
One of the most common things they wish?
That they had been less hard on themselves.
Not that they’d worked harder. Not that they’d made more money or built bigger things or had more fun.
Just less hard on themselves.
And I have thought about that ever since.
Because here’s the truth—you are the person that you have to spend most of your life with, heck, maybe even all of it. You are going to fall short. Repeatedly. You’re going to make bad calls, miss the mark, say the wrong thing, and choose the wrong path.
That’s called being human.
The question is: what voice do you choose to meet those moments with?
A Final Note from A Stoic
A quote from Seneca has been a big part of my journey toward self-improvement in this regard. In his writings titled Letters From a Stoic, he says:
“What progress have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself”
He wasn’t talking about self-help, morning routines or optimisation.
He was talking about something far more radical—the decision to stop treating yourself like the enemy.
I’m still working on it. I still fuck up. I still make mistakes. Some days, I get it very wrong. But I am no longer spiteful in my reflections. When I make a mistake, I catch myself and gently chuckle before exclaiming, “Oh, Matt you silly man”.
I’m kind. I understand I am flawed, and I do not run from it.
That one shift has changed more about my life than any habit, any strategy, or any external result ever has. Because I now enjoy being me, I enjoy living in my own head and body.
So wherever you’re at right now, be kind to yourself while you do the work.
Silence the inner critic.
They are not your friend.
Just remnants of a person you used to be in a life you do not live anymore.
Another zinger from Seneca to conclude…
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.”
And that includes you!
Alright, that’s it from me this week, gang. See you next week!
👊 LESGO CHAMP!
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Every week, I write about the unglamorous, honest, sometimes uncomfortable work of becoming who you’re trying to be. No motivational BS, just real talk from someone still in the middle of the fight for self-respect.